When a Friend or Family Member Turns to You for Comfort, the Best Listening Style to Apply Would Be
Supporting someone you love who is grieving tin can be tough. Part of this is because you want to help, merely deep down, y'all know that yous can't fully take their pain away. In addition, information technology was hard to panel a grieving friend or family member earlier the COVID-19 pandemic — but this by year has certainly complicated the procedure. Offering support with a screen separating you from your loved one tin preclude y'all from extending a comforting hug or hand and furthering your bulletin of support.
Still, knowing what to say and exercise — in addition to merely being there for them without necessarily saying or doing too much — is a corking start. Grieving is a gradual process, and the ultimate healer is time. However, in the process, you can help a loved one cope by providing back up in different ways. Apply these tips to go started in offering reassurance and comfort to someone who'southward navigating the grieving process.
Many people are hesitant to directly mention the cause of someone's grief. We tend to think it'll make the person feel worse, as bringing up a name or a state of affairs tin often prompt the person to start crying equally memories or thoughts come flooding in. Yet crying is a natural and good for you part of grieving. Speaking candidly about their grief tin can be much more comforting than noticeably barring it from the conversation, too. If your friend or family member is comfortable with it, y'all can use the give-and-take "died" rather than "passed away" if that's the root of the grief. Speak the name of the lost loved one.
For case, "I'm going to miss Stephanie and so much," is much more heartfelt and personal than the universal "I'm pitiful for your loss," notes Harvard Medical Schoolhouse. Using truly comforting words — and expressing your authentic sentiment — over a loss can be more helpful than saying something you could imagine telling someone you lot don't know well. Your actuality and recognition can make your grieving loved ones experience more comfortable virtually their grief and the way they're feeling.
It's of import to understand that some people who are grieving feel shame around their grief, as if they're a burden because they're pain or difficult to be around. Acknowledging their grief out loud is an effective way to let a person who'southward grieving know that isn't the case. Of class, y'all desire to be sensitive almost how you bring the situation up, simply don't erase it from the conversation. Information technology tin help loved ones recognize that y'all're someone they don't accept to tiptoe around and that they tin can speak honestly to you lot about what they're going through.
Reach Out Offset
Don't await for someone who's grieving to reach out to you. People going through something difficult often don't take the free energy to ask for help. Many times, they don't fifty-fifty know what to enquire for. Doing that work for them is some of the best support you can provide. Phone call them to express your sympathy and ask them if they want to talk. Cheque in with them often, even if it's only to allow them know you're thinking well-nigh them.
Offer to aid out, likewise. Don't tell them to let you know if they need anything; they might be reluctant to do so, and that won't make things easier for them. Help out with specific things, like bringing over groceries or pre-made meals, cleaning their house, driving them effectually, profitable with childcare or answering their phone. Many people dealing with grief feel guilty request for this kind of assistance, and if you know the person well enough it tin be best to just do these things without asking. They'll appreciate information technology.
Listen Without Trying to Fix Everything
Your grieving loved one will demand someone to listen to them when they feel similar talking. They need someone to listen without offering unsolicited advice and without judgment. If someone special to them died, let them do the talking almost how they feel. Let them echo the story over and over if they accept to. A compassionate ear helps more than you know to lessen the pain. You tin can offer words to comfort the bereaved without putting your two cents in or interjecting. Only give advice if they specifically ask for it. It'due south perfectly okay to admit that you lot don't know what to say but want them to know they take your support.
Part of being a skillful listener to someone experiencing loss or whatsoever blazon of grief is understanding the grieving process. It doesn't always manifest every bit sadness or low. Feelings of anger and feet are common. Having problem sleeping is normal, as is feeling fatigue. Disruptions in eating patterns happen often also. If you feel okay with it, you can be someone to whom they feel comfortable letting it all out. If you're talking in-person rather than through a screen, you lot might concur their manus and hug them instead of trying to come upward with solutions. Recall, no communication you can give is going to take the pain away. However, your presence tin do wonders for helping them cope in the concurrently.
Don't Minimize Their Loss by Being Overly Positive
It can exist helpful to bring up genuine positives to a loved ane who is grieving — but the manner you do and so matters. For instance, reminding them that the person they lost was loved or lived a full life can be comforting. However, y'all want to avert overdoing it or only focusing on the good. Not everything has a positive spin, and that's okay; information technology doesn't have to. Being too positive tin easily make someone who's grieving experience like you're minimizing their pain or loss, every bit if it isn't a big bargain or they're beingness too emotional about it.
An example of a minimizing annotate might be, "What doesn't kill you lot makes you stronger." While it'south true they may come out the other end of their grief stronger, in the moment it can feel like you're pushing bated their sadness or suggesting their emotions aren't valid.
Expressing things through the lens of your faith to someone who doesn't share your beliefs is another thing to avert. If someone doesn't believe in God, telling them their dead loved 1 is "in a better place" won't help them experience better. Saying that what happened is "part of God'due south plan" could make them feel angry rather than comforted. Even if you hateful well, leaving your faith out of it is much more supportive if they don't share your beliefs. Your words of sympathy and comfort can easily be expressed using non-religious language instead.
Seeing people yous dear grieve is never like shooting fish in a barrel, but take heart. The loving back up you offer can be a powerful tool in helping family and friends process their grief.
Resource Links:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/expert-answers/grieving-process/faq-20058274
https://world wide web.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20045340
https://www.wellness.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/ways-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving
https://pathwayshealth.org/grief-back up/grief-can-take-very-existent-physical-symptoms/
Source: https://www.symptomfind.com/health/support-grieving-loved-one?utm_content=params%3Ao%3D740013%26ad%3DdirN%26qo%3DserpIndex
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